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How To Use a Vibrator

How do you use a vibrator?

How to use a vibrator seems like a simple question, but it’s not. Vibrators come in different shapes and sizes and have different purposes. And there are different styles, varied ways of charging them, and multiple levels of vibrations.

It can be confusing, so over the next several moths we’re going to talk about vibrators, orgasms and everything in between.how to use a vibrator

What is a Vibrator?

Let’s start at the beginning by defining what a vibrator is. Vibrators are devices, whether battery operated, rechargeable, or plug-in, used on parts of the body. The old-fashioned foot massager, or the back massager used to be advertised as a “medical” device rather than its more “naughty” use. And, admittedly if my eight-year-old granddaughter found my Magic Wand I might show her how it feels on neck muscles.

According to Wikipedia a vibrator is a device designed to “produce pleasurable erotic stimulation.”

I see the vibrator as part sex toy and part sexual health tool, designed to provide pleasure by arousing the body. Erotic? Yes, but that’s not really how we talk about our own sexual pleasure. The vibrator is definitely a tool to help you discover what turns you on, where and how.

How to use a vibrator.

Women can use vibrators on various body parts, anywhere you think you might get pleasure from a soft, or strong vibrating sensation. We tend to forget that nipples, inner thighs, and even the lower belly are erogenous zones for some people.

Mostly we use vibrators to give us pleasure. That might include enhancing traditional heterosexual sex—intercourse—which isn’t typically sufficient clitoral stimulation for women. And we use them to satisfy ourselves when we’re alone, or unpartnered.

The typical goal is to reach orgasm using a vibrator but there’s much more to using a vibrator than that. We use sex toys to teach us about our bodies. So, let’s talk a little about how to use a vibrator.

Using a Sex Toy for the First Time

If you’re new to vibrators there are a few things to consider:

First, use it with a vaginal lubrication.

A water-based lube is the all around simplest and safest for any kind of sex toy. Organic coconut oil makes a great lubricant but oil-based products can cause damage to some sex toys, depending on what they’re made of. Check out my recent article on vaginal lubricants for more information.

Start off by caressing yourself with fingers.

Warm up your body with touch before moving to the vibrating sensation. Then you can add the vibrator, or switch to that alone. You might start by caressing below the belly button and slowly working your way down.

Vary the pressure and the intensity of the vibration (most vibrators have multiple speeds) to see which you like. Contrary to what you might read about sex and older women, we don’t all prefer a super intense vibration.

No need to rush.

As you begin to use your toy on your genitals take care not to apply stimulation directly to the head of the clitoris; for some women it is a hypersensitive area. Above and around the clitoris works nicely and can be combined with strokes along the whole of your vulvar region.

You can even insert the vibrator into your vagina if you want that kind of stimulation. Unless you experiment you won’t know what feels good and what doesn’t.

Why You Need a Vibrator

A vibrator can be great for women who take longer to reach an orgasm, or who have never orgasmed. The vibrations can be more effective than finger strokes. And in that case, you’ll want to start by focusing on the clitoral area until you learn more about what kinds of touch your body responds to.

Start slowly with a curiosity about what pleases you most. As you explore with your new vibrator you are also collecting information about your body, which you can share with a partner if you want.

The more you understand how your body responds, what areas feel good and how much pressure you like, the greater the possibility of achieving orgasms.

Play, but don’t start with a goal of having an orgasm—the key here is to simply notice how your body responses and what you like.

Start with You

You don’t have to share your exploration of how to use a vibrator with a partner. In fact I’d recommend you learn the toy for yourself before inviting a partner to share.

Not all men are comfortable with sex toys—sometimes they see it as a threat to their “job”. And other men are turned on by the idea that you’re learning more about your body and taking initiative to ramp up your sexual desire. Once you’ve had some time to learn your new vibrator then you can tell a partner that you’d like them to see your new toy and explore how the two of you can use it to enhance your, and their, pleasure.

My book, Inviting Desire, A Guide for Women Who Want to Enhance Their Sex Lives has a chapter on vibrators, the types, what to buy and more.  And here’s a basic primer on the types of vibrators.

Walker Thornton

We are delighted to have Walker Thornton as our Women’s Sexual Health columnist. After working for over 10 years in the field of sexual violence against women, Walker is now enjoying a new career as a freelance writer, public speaker, and sex educator with an emphasis on midlife women. Her blog, <a>WalkerThornton.com </a> was ranked #5 by Kinkly.com in their top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2014. You can connect with her on <a>Facebook </a> and <a href="http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton">Twitter</a> For questions about sexual health, write her at [email protected]

Tierra

Saturday 24th of June 2017

What a great article that simplifies getting started with vibrators. So many to choose from, it can be daunting. It's also difficult for some to ask for guidance on sex toys. You open the door and invite us to explore the idea and give us good reason to do so.

I love this phrase, "learning more about your body and taking initiative to ramp up your sexual desire." Though you were speaking of it in context with some men being turned on by what you are doing, it defines precisely where I am at. I was tuned in, things happened which caused complete sexual disconnect and shut down. Coming alive again now and realizing some things have changed. No man....yet... I'm a fairly new follower, love your writing Walker, just purchased your book today.

Walker Thornton

Monday 10th of July 2017

Tierra, thank you. I think we create desire for ourselves first and foremost. We fall in love with ourselves and then, if we choose, with a lover.

Thank you for the kind words--and buying the book. Hope you'll find it useful.

Carol A Cassara

Thursday 22nd of June 2017

I loved this post. Even though I think I know everything about this particular topic, it's always nice to see a new angle. So to speak!

Walker Thornton

Saturday 24th of June 2017

Thanks. I think there's often a new angle on old topics. And suddenly there seems to be renewed interest and a cropping of older women who are now ready to explore toys!

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