You can find Leanne over at Cresting The Hill where she writes about her midlife journey. This post was initially featured there. She was becoming herself and daily casting aside that fictitious self which we assume like a garment with which to appear before the world. – – Kate Chopin, The Awakening
My daughter is one of the few family members or friends that actually read my blog – – and here I was, so worried about what they’d all think about my writing! And since she knows what I like to write about, she sent me this quote and thought it suited me – and my blog – and she was right.
I’m now thinking that I should read “The Awakening” to see more about where it has come from and what the back story is, but in the meantime I just want to savour the words themselves and the picture they conjure in my mind.
Midlife has been a time of re-evaluation for me. I have looked hard at the person I was and what I thought was important and all the things I did in my life to keep all the balls I was juggling up in the air. What I saw was a woman who had assumed a persona that fit in with what she thought other people wanted – and that wasn’t necessarily who I truly was in my heart.
I feel like I dumbed myself down and made myself more beige to keep from causing ripples. I apologized more than I needed to and I tried really hard to not offend anyone or expect to have things my way. Those closest to me may not agree with that statement, but that’s because my mask was firmly in place. I don’t think they knew or saw who I truly was either.
It comes down to authenticity and being prepared to accept the fallout that occurs when I stop trying to fit myself into what I imagine others want me to be. I even had to correct that last sentence. I had written it in the third person (with ‘you’ and ‘yourself’ instead of ‘me’ and ‘myself’) because I am so used to not being brave enough to be open about who I really am and what I really want.
Being fearlessly authentic is my aim for midlife – to not apologize for being the woman I am. Being prepared to tread on some toes if needed. Being honest and open. Being confident enough to claim what’s mine in time, friendships, love and all the other little aspects that make up my life. No more hiding behind my “fictitious self” and that doesn’t mean that I have to be loud and proud. But it means that I take ownership of my needs and that I’m prepared to take up the gauntlet of what that might mean for the years to come.
Leanne
Hi! I'm Leanne. I’m a happy empty nester living in Australia and blogging (at crestingthehill.com.au) about my midlife journey. I want to share the joys and challenges of this stage of life and counteract the negativity associated with getting older. There is so much to be grateful for and to look forward to, and I’m loving sharing my story with others who are walking the same path.
Follow Me:
janice Wald
Tuesday 1st of March 2016
HI Leanne, I didn't know you wrote for MidLife Boulevard. Thanks for bringing this to the Pit Stop. Janice, Your Pit Stop Crew
Life Loving
Monday 29th of February 2016
What a great summary of how far you've come. You should feel really proud of yourself for standing up for you and who you want to be.
Sally @ Life Loving #LifeLovingLinkie
Abby
Sunday 28th of February 2016
Great read, as usual! And so true in every way. xx Abby
Leanne@crestingthehill
Sunday 28th of February 2016
thanks Abby - lovely that you stopped by and so glad you enjoyed the post :)
green diva meg
Thursday 25th of February 2016
great post. great reminders. thanks for sharing so candidly!
Leanne@crestingthehill
Sunday 28th of February 2016
thanks Meg - I'm always a great believer in being real - I don't like the idea of glossing over our lives to try to make ourselves look shinier than we are :)
Leanne@crestingthehill
Thursday 25th of February 2016
That's true Marnie - maybe all those years of trial and error clarified who we want to be from here forward. It's nice to think they weren't wasted!