Since the end of 2015, I have been writing every day. I am chronicling my life. I am working hard to find the good: to be happy now. Having spent most of my life thinking of the future, I am now striving to live in the moment.
I have been writing in journals for as long as I can remember. I don’t really know why I started or exactly why I feel the need to, I just do. It feels like something in me that I am compelled to do. I love journals, notebooks, paper, pencils, and pens. I don’t think I’m a great writer by any means. I would love to write a best-selling, well written, and well-loved novel. I don’t know if that will happen. I’d love to be more published than I am.
One thing I do know I can do, is write about my life. And let me tell you, it means a lot to me to read back through my journals. I grabbed a couple of old journals and I would like to share one entry with you. It’s from May of 1985. It’s pretty personal, and I will have to change some names.
Journal Entries from 1985:
“Today was Missy’s B-day!! Kyle and I went shopping and got her 3 presents. I also made a BIG choc chip cookie that said, “We love you,” on it. It has been a very busy week. I served at the FFA banquet last nite. I worked tonite. It was pretty fun. I had sort of a rough day. Kyle & I got into it because of him not eating. There was a rose on my car tonite after work from him. His is SO sweet toward me. I’m confused, for some reason. I’m not sure of my feelings for him. What they exactly are. I don’t think I want a boyfriend now. Awhile back I really wanted one. Now that I can, I don’t want one.
I do want to date. Jim came in & saw me at work – he also stopped by last nite. We talked and I told him I’d like to be just close friends.
I have sort of sad mixed feelings toward Keith. It’s hard to explain. There is something always there. But it never seems to be enough. Even when I went w/him – I don’t think I was ever satisfied enough.
My mom and dad came home tonite from their trip. My dad was griping about my sister’s work. She’s working hard though. I’m sick of arguments. I’d like to get away. I’m tired of responsibilities too. I’m proud of all I do but I’m hard on myself. I never feel like I do enough.”
Why I Write
I can’t tell you what it felt like to read this. First of all, I don’t remember a lot if it. It was 30 years ago. You know what really resonated with me, besides the fact that I may have been boy crazy or at least thought too much about boys, is the last few lines. Wow. Thirty years later, and I still feel this way too much of the time. But, really, that’s a topic for another essay.
What writing in journals does for me is a chance to revisit the old me. I laugh, cringe, feel, and think. I learn a lot.
I will keep writing. I love it. I want to do it. I will say that writing every day for this Being Happy Now project sometimes seems like a chore, but I know that someday it will mean a lot to look back and read a whole year of my life. I also think looking for the good and being happy now instead of waiting has had a positive influence in my life.
I am fortunate to be working with May Designs on my very own writing journals. I was in on every detail of the four designs. I really love them and I am excited. So much so that I ordered one of each design for myself! You can order my writing journals for yourself, as well.
Please share if you would like, and consider buying a journal. Whether you buy one of mine or buy a composition book from Walgreens, please write. I think someday you’ll be very glad you did.
Tomi Rues writes regularly at Think, Write, Inspire – this post was originally featured there. Do consider stopping by to see what she’s been up to.