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What I’ve Learned From Online Dating

Online Dating Over 50

Dating. Online Dating. Online dating over 50. It’s not for the faint of heart.

I’ve probably said that before, but I’m reminded of it again as another potential dating partner disappears. One day he’s all Good morning, Beautiful Woman and then, Later, Sweetie and then?

He’s gone. So much for good manners and comfort in being upfront about how one feels.Online dating over 50 isn't easy. Advice from our midlife women's sexual health expert.

Dating Is Tough at Any Age

Why can’t older, mature and intelligent adults practice common courtesy? A little note that said, “I suddenly feel we’re not a good match,” would have been just fine. Even a short, “I changed my mind” would suffice. 

It is difficult being older (61 in my case), and trying to find that elusive bit of chemistry or compatibility based on pictures and self-descriptions and a few emails. There was just enough texting with this guy to form an educated  guess at what went awry. I came off as too strong and capable.

sex over fifty

Dating Men Over 50

Some older men want to feel in charge—they want to be wanted. In my opinion, it’s tied to their sense of masculinity and old-fashioned ways.

Presented with a woman who isn’t swooning at all those terms of endearment, or who lets a man know that she’s been taking care of herself for a number of years seemed to squelch his need to be The Man. Part of this is generational, but much of it is about ego and needs.

The funny part in all of this, and the part I want to share with him in an I-no-longer-give-a-sh#% email, is that he’s missing out big time.

I may not swoon at being called sweetheart by a complete stranger, but I am a fabulous lover. You don’t get the nickname Sex Goddess for no reason (There are references)!

Also I have the following to my credit. I am:

bright and charming,

a good conversationalist,

pretty well pulled together,

in position of all my own teeth,

not under the care of a therapist,

able to listen and talk,.

a believer in giving and receiving,

financially secure, and

not in need of a caregiver quite yet.


Creating the Right Online Dating Profile

Putting up an online dating profile and trying to share who we are works better when we are honest about ourselves and what we want.

To alter our age in words or with Photoshop is a temporary fix. If you create an image designed to snag a man, it might work in a virtual world, but not at the coffee shop. Pretending to be an outdoor lover or a Big Band aficionado works until we’re faced with putting up the tent in real life.

If we aren’t willing to be our true selves we reduce our chances of finding a great guy who will like us for who we are. 

Honesty First

You don’t want someone to fall for a false you. What happens when the first date is spent explaining why you don’t look like your photograph, or how you don’t really like camping? Or basically anything else you’ve stretched a bit to make the connection! What happens then? 

It’s nice to get a rush of messages and feel like people are looking at your dating profile, but that’s not really where the payoff lies. What you want is to feel comfortable putting yourself out there, wrinkles and life scars and everything. Someone who appreciated the real you is the goal. 

online dating over 50

Finding the Right Man Through Online Dating

I’m grateful to this guy for giving me a chance to practice showing up as the real me. He gave me the moment of reflection that led to this article. I could be disappointed and vow to do a better job of courting guys like this, but why would I?

I don’t really want someone who feels that women exist so that he can take care of them. It’s too late for me to become the delicate little woman who is incomplete without a man. That’s not me. 

It wouldn’t have taken long for both of us to discover the mismatched values and desire. Better to be honest and accepting of who we are when we are dating online over 50. Better to realize that someone out there will appreciate the “real” you. That will be worth the wait.

Looking for more dating advice? Read more about how soon can you have sex with your new boyfriend, what late-in-life lesbians want you to know, how to tell if he’s the right one, and how to stop dating jerks.

Walker Thornton

We are delighted to have Walker Thornton as our Women’s Sexual Health columnist. After working for over 10 years in the field of sexual violence against women, Walker is now enjoying a new career as a freelance writer, public speaker, and sex educator with an emphasis on midlife women. Her blog, <a>WalkerThornton.com </a> was ranked #5 by Kinkly.com in their top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2014. You can connect with her on <a>Facebook </a> and <a href="http://twitter.com/WalkerThornton">Twitter</a> For questions about sexual health, write her at [email protected]

Linda @ Over 60 Dating

Monday 27th of June 2016

Honestly, I've always thought the hardest thing about online dating is having the patience and nerve to keep trying, and wait for the the right person to come along. I think the problem a lot of people have is just that online dating's taken on this reputation as a silver bullet for love, where you're going to meet throngs of stunningly compatible people. In reality, you're going to need to search, filter and take your time.

It's beautiful to hear you're out there giving it a go, and being yourself. Keep going, Walker!

Walker Thornton

Saturday 24th of September 2016

Linda, thank you. I think you're absolutely right, it takes time and effort. And a willingness to put oneself out there.

Anne Parris

Monday 20th of June 2016

I love that you are 61 and a Certified Sex Goddess! You should add that to your LinkedIn. ;)

Walker Thornton

Monday 20th of June 2016

Ha Ha.... Well, that may be a little too much for LinkedIn. But thank you... I pull it out every now and then to share! I'm hoping this guy finds the email and kicks himself!!

Jamie

Monday 20th of June 2016

Dating of any kind is not for the faint of heart. I agree that it is worth the wait to find someone who will apprecriate the 'real' you, and you can do it even if you're online. No relationship is easy, and just because you know someone in person doesn't mean they will be honest with you. So yes, if you are going to put a dating profile on the internet and not be honest about yourself, then it's a waste of time, but as would it if you were dating in "real" life as well, and not being honest...

There are some drawbacks when it comes to online dating, but it's not impossible to accomplish. Some "real" life dates go horribly wrong too. It comes down to how much you trust the other person, and how willing you are to make things work between you. Follow your instincts, and you should be fine.

Walker Thornton

Monday 20th of June 2016

Jamie, thanks for your thoughts on this. I think following one's instincts is really important in dating!

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