Skip to Content

Valentine’s Day – The Most Important Person in Your Life? You.

Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
- Veronica A. Shoffstall

Let’s be real. Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday that has gone out of control.  I’m wiling to be you that at least 50% of the men who buy for their partners wait until the last minute then rush to the closest store and buy a bunch of generic red roses.

I’d much rather have signs of affection scattered throughout the year—not just dried up old rose petals to vacuum up on Feb. 17th. Call me jaded. Call me single.

The Most Important Person in Your Life-

Even when I was married the notion of Valentine’s Day felt like a set-up. I recall the meltdown one year when my husband didn’t even remember to say anything. It felt like he didn’t love me—I had by then thoroughly adopted the commercial idea of romance and flowers and diamonds (never got those) and ever-lasting love.

If your relationship is hanging by a thread, all the flowers in the world aren’t going to fix things. Chocolates or romantic dinners won’t do it. There’s nothing worse than faking your way through a restaurant meal if you can’t even figure out why you’re still with the person across the table from you.

And, if you’re single? Tsk tsk, what went wrong? It’s the question my mother ponders when she looks at me. “Why can’t she get a man?” And, keep him.

This little rant is to assure you that you’re not the only one feeling this way—if you’re one of us. The lonely, the divorcee, the ‘spinster’, the widow.

I admit to being a little touchy about Valentine’s Day.

We should celebrate love. We should make the time to communicate our feeling and show our love in a myriad of ways. And, whether married, coupled or single, self-love is crucial to living a good life. Self-love and respect for ourselves at any stage of life is vital to living a fulfilling life.. Self-acceptance allows for the possibility to find joy in the world—as we define it.

As you define it.

We aren’t schooled in self-love; actually many women are raised to think that putting others’ needs first is more important.

To be successful in life—work, family, sex and community –requires us to love and care for ourselves. That means paying attention to our emotions, our relationships with friends and family as well as our physical, spiritual and sexual health. It means occasionally saying No to someone, so that you can honor yourself.

Self-love means allowing yourself to experience pleasure in all aspects in life.

Easy to say; hard to embrace. But it’s important to respect and love oneself. So this week while you’re going about your day, think about what you might do as a treat just for you. Make a list, hang it on your mirror or in your journal—and take time each week to show yourself some love. Love is not relegated to one day a year.


Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself. Learn to rest in that place within you that is your true home.- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar


Walker Thornton

We are delighted to have Walker Thornton as our Women’s Sexual Health columnist. After working for over 10 years in the field of sexual violence against women, Walker is now enjoying a new career as a freelance writer, public speaker, and sex educator with an emphasis on midlife women. Her blog, was ranked #5 by in their top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2014. You can connect with her on Facebook and Twitter For questions about sexual health, write her at

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle Plus


Monday 9th of February 2015

I agree that we should practice self-love before looking for love outside. And, I too don't believe in Valentine's Day and my husband and I treat it just like any ordinary day. In fact, this weekend, we've invited our friends over to watch the cricket world cup game! :D

Walker Thornton

Tuesday 10th of February 2015

Thanks Roshni. Sounds like you have a fun 'together' time weekend.

Comments are closed.
Read previous post:
Real Love – He Gets Me

Susan Muldur knows a good thing when she sees it - whether it's a seemingly ordinary tree or a husband...