Skip to Content

The Seduction of Toffee

The Seduction of ToffeeElaine Ambrose is the award-winning author of over eight books and is syndicated on several sites across the web. She is a writing retreat organizer and a motivational speaker, and you’re going to want to hear more from her. You can find her sharing at ElaineAmbrose.com

Brown sugar, pecans, chocolate, and butter are simple ingredients but when combined, heated, and transformed into candy, they have the power to turn me to the dark side. I am helpless to fight the seduction of toffee. I think the delicious treat is the work of the devil exemplified through the Seven Deadly Sins.

  1. Greed. The sweet confection makes me a greedy, cheating hoarder. A neighbor gave me a can of Almond Roca, and I immediately hid it so my husband or children couldn’t enjoy a single piece. I don’t care. It’s all mine, mine, mine.
  1. Gluttony. Toffee leads me into temptation. I cannot have one piece. I will stand until my feet spread and consume an entire batch and not stop to breathe until I have licked every morsel from the platter. I’m not proud of this fact.
  1. Lust. I’m addicted to exquisitely-crafted homemade toffee. However, on days of desperation, I’ll settle for a mediocre sample from a truck stop, the kind that is too brittle or stale. I crave the taste, and I want more. Now.
  1. Envy. I can’t pass a candy store without gazing in the window and slobbering over festive trays of caramels covered with chocolate and nuts. I’m jealous of people buying and tasting toffee that should belong to me.
  1. Anger. I’m equally mad about two issues: when the toffee is gone and when I step on the scale and see that eating all that gooey goodness makes me weigh the same as a compact car. I’m far over the weight I was decades ago at nine-months pregnant when I wailed about my rotund girth before giving birth.
  1. Pride. I’ll labor for hours to create the perfect recipe for almond toffee. Then I’ll post photos on every social media platform to let the world know that I did it and I’m going to eat it. Ha!
  1. Sloth. After waddling through decades of tasting toffee, it’s apparent that I’m as lethargic as a bowl of thick butter on a humid afternoon. Especially during the holidays, toffee saps my energy, and all I want to do is sit in a dark room and chew. Sometimes I pull empty Almond Roca foil wrappers out of the waste basket just to smell them. I’ve taken pathetic to a new level, and I need counseling.

To atone for my many sins, I’ve decided to share and give back to society. In the spirit of generosity, here is my recipe for English Toffee:

Ingredients:

1 Cup butter

1-1/4 Cups sugar, brown or white

2 Tablespoons water

½ Cup chopped pecans

1 Cup milk chocolate chips

Butter a 10X15 inch pan.

Instructions:

Melt butter in heavy skillet over medium heat and stir with a wooden spoon. Stir in sugar and water. Bring to a boil and add the pecans. Cook, stirring constantly until nuts are toasted and the sugar is dissolved. Pour in the buttered pan. Be sure to lick the spoon. Spread chocolate chips on top. Cool. Break into pieces. Eat half and share the rest.

My New Year’s resolution – again – is to lose weight and be healthier. I will consume fresh vegetables and fruit, exercise, and prepare nutritious meals. Maybe I’ll create a new recipe for zucchini and kale toffee. With enough butter, sugar and nuts, it could be delicious.

Elaine Ambrose

Elaine Ambrose is an award-winning author of ten books and a regular contributor to Huffington Post. Her widely syndicated blog Midlife Cabernet appears on her own site, as well as on Blogher, Jennings Wire, Humor Outcasts, and Project Eve. She is a regular contributor to Huffington Post and Midlife Boulevard. Her new book, Midlife Cabernet, won the 2014 Silver Medal for Humor from the Independent Book Publisher Awards program, and Publishers Weekly claimed the book is “Laugh-out-loud funny!” Foreword Reviews wrote that the book is “an Erma Bombeck-esque argument for joy.” Through her company Mill Park Publishing, Elaine also organizes writing and wellness retreats for women in the Idaho Mountains. Her author web site is www.elaineambrose.com

Lynne

Friday 16th of December 2016

LOL - "eat half and share the rest." How did you know that's exactly what I'd do?????

Comments are closed.
Read previous post:
midlife, retirement, retreat, retire, middle-aged
Retire Without Retreating

"Are you thinking about retirement?" That question always catches me by surprise. I don't think of myself as old enough...

Close