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Tell Me Who You Are in Two Words

How do you describe Roz Warren in two words? We’d go with, “blogger extraordinaire!” Read more from Roz on her website.


You can spend a lifetime figuring out who you really are. At 60, I’m finally closing in on the truth. At the very least, I know who I’m not.


I’ve noticed that the media loves to sum people up with just two words. Like, “Internet billionaire.” Or, “famous chef.” I recently began collecting some sobriquets that will never be used to describe me. For good or ill, I’m never going to be a:


  • Deranged genius
  • Renowned adventurer
  • Disgraced cyclist
  • Superstar swimmer
  • Serial sexter
  • Legendary anchorman
  • Pharma-megamillionaire
  • Pop icon
  • Clueless banker
  • Megawatt Star
  • Doomed aviatrix
  • Urban gardener
  • Luv guv
  • Transgender futurist
  • Adulterous multimillionaire
  • Florida socialite
  • Republican megadonor
  • YouTube pioneer, or
  • Blonde chanteuse
Of course, when it comes to a few of these, I do come close.  Blonde chanteuse? I am (with salon assistance) a blonde. And the toddlers who attend story-time at the library where I work adore my rendition of “The Itsy Bitsy Spider.”


And while I’m not exactly a Superstar Swimmer,  I’m still in the pool every day, executing my plodding but consistent breast stroke.


Disgraced Cyclist? No thanks. I don’t need performance enhancing drugs to enjoy a ride around the neighborhood on my one-speeder.


The truth is that I’m happy with who I am: a Good Mom, Retired Attorney, Published Writer and Part-time Librarian.


Although there’s still hope that, one of these days, “Lottery winner,“ or even “Pulitzer-winner” might apply. (Perhaps I should add “Incurable optimist” to that list?)


What about you? If you could describe yourself to the world with just two words, what would they be?  Amazing mom? Stellar wit? Fantastic lover?


(Of course, if you’re having a bad day, you might want to go with  “Exploited wage-slave,“ “Problem drinker,” or “Unhappy homemaker.”)


Go for it! Share your two words in the Comments section. Be as honest (or as delusional) as you want. Here’s your chance to establish yourself as a “Piccolo virtuoso,” “Investment whiz,” “Unsung genius” or  “World-class bodybuilder.”


As for me? I’m going with “Sexy librarian.”


Check out Roz Warren’s book, Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection of Library Humor. Warren’s  work appears in The New York Times and The Funny Times. Connect with her on Facebook.
This essay first appeared on

Roz Warren

Roz Warren writes for the New York Times, the Funny Times, the Christian Science Monitor, the Jewish Forward and the Huffington Post. And she‘s been featured on the Today Show. (Twice!) Her 13th humor book, ”Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor," is available on Amazon.

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Monday 15th of February 2016

It’s perfect time to make a few plans for the long run and it is time to be happy. I’ve learn this put up and if I may I want to recommend you few interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you could write next articles relating to this article. I wish to read more things approximately it!

Carol Cassara

Saturday 18th of July 2015

Hot shit. I can't help it--it was the first thing that came to mind this time! Other things came to mind the first time I did this years ago, but this time it was "hot shit'.

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