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Still Single? Throw Yourself A Wedding!

When I took the stage at Boardwalk 11 Karaoke Bar at my 50th birthday party last February, I was triumphant. Victorious. I felt proud of who I was, and what I had accomplished – getting to 50 as an independent, self-reliant woman.

first time bride at 50, first time bride at midlife, karaoke, single women, single at 50, midlife, midlife women

That wasn’t exactly the picture a few months before though. In the run-up to my birthday, I was the perfect storm of despair: I was going through a break-up, my career was stagnating, my window of fertility had officially closed, I was still not married, and I was turning 50 – a number that probably would’ve been a lot less daunting and depressing if I had a husband and kids.

From November to January, I was totally numb. Nothing felt good, nothing tasted good, music didn’t sound good, not even the cutest guy looked good. It appeared that after multiple times at bat, and many attempts at love, I had officially struck out. On top of it, I was about to leave my 40s and enter midlife, a milestone that was ceremoniously marked when I received my first AARP card in the mail.

The holidays and New Year’s were a blur. I remember going to bed just before midnight on New Year’s eve thinking to myself: “Please let me wake up and have it be six months from now so the pain will be gone and my heart will be healed.” The next day I woke up, and the next, and the next day after that. Slowly, life resumed. I hit reset, I re-calibrated, and I got reacquainted with my self-worth, which I seemed to have lost along the way.

By mid-January, I made a decision that would be life-changing: I decided to let go and surrender to my singleness. I detached from the outcome, stopped fighting the power, and submitted to being single. As I mentioned in my very first blog post, it was the most liberating and empowering move I could’ve ever made.

I made another decision in mid-January: To celebrate. So what if I wasn’t married? Who cared if I was still single? Did it really matter that my life didn’t exactly go as planned? There were so many other things to be happy about, so much to be grateful for, so many other blessings to count. I thought why have a pity party when I can have a real party? So I threw myself a huge 50th birthday bash and called it the wedding I was never going to have.

When I stepped on to the stage to sing last February, with my friends and family cheering me on, I knew I had made the right choice:  to revel in the thrill of victory instead of dwelling in the agony of defeat.

Robbie Scharf and Treva Brandon

The minute I stepped off the stage, I spotted Robby Scharf at the bar. I initially met Robby months earlier on Facebook when he contacted me out of concern for a mutual friend. It wasn’t a Facebook hook-up; he really was a good guy with good intentions. I thought he had a nice face, and had heard he was in a band (maybe he could sing karaoke?) So on a whim, I invited him to my party and he showed up! Except for our mutual Facebook friends, Robby and I were practically strangers. But there he was at my birthday, Mr. Right, standing right before my eyes, with a big smile and a warmth I felt the minute I hugged him hello.

I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t expecting it, and I had all but given up, but something magical happened that night at Boardwalk 11 Karaoke Bar. And now here I am, exactly one year later, engaged to be married and singing a much different tune.

Read more from Treva Brandon on her blog, The Late Blooming Bride

Treva Brandon

Treva Brandon is a Los Angeles based writer and fitness professional. She is currently Managing Editor at <a href="http://rtime.com">RTime.com</a>, a leading online resource dedicated to eldercare. When Treva isn’t acquiring and creating original content, curating bloggers, editing copy, or writing online dating profiles for her girlfriends, she is up at 5am either teaching group fitness classes at Equinox, working with in-home private clients, or training for her next marathon. After years of living the single life, Treva has recently met the man of her dreams and is now engaged. Although not a relationship expert, she is an expert in blind dating, boyfriends, break-ups, and how to triumph despite it all. She has gladly retired her moniker of “perpetual third wheel” and will soon be joining the ranks of the married class as the world’s oldest first-time bride.

Treva Brandon

Treva Brandon is a Los Angeles based writer and fitness professional. She is currently Managing Editor at RTime.com, a leading online resource dedicated to eldercare. When Treva isn’t acquiring and creating original content, curating bloggers, editing copy, or writing online dating profiles for her girlfriends, she is up at 5am either teaching group fitness classes at Equinox, working with in-home private clients, or training for her next marathon. After years of living the single life, Treva has recently met the man of her dreams and is now engaged. Although not a relationship expert, she is an expert in blind dating, boyfriends, break-ups, and how to triumph despite it all. She has gladly retired her moniker of “perpetual third wheel” and will soon be joining the ranks of the married class as the world’s oldest first-time bride.

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Tuesday 25th of February 2014

Be happy! I loved your story...the perfect ending came because I think you quit looking and let what was to be find you. Best wishes.

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Treva Brandon

Tuesday 25th of February 2014

Yes, yes, and yes! I let go and somehow found peace…then love. Thanks for your sweet words and wishes :-)

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