In my family, we never discussed anything below the naval and above the knees. When my dad learned that my aunt was having surgery on her uterus, he asked her if that was close to her Sagittarius.
I tend to have attention deficit disorder from the moment I open my eyes. I’m very serious when I tell you that within two minutes of being awake, I have a minimum of twenty-five things that have already crossed my mind. Thanks to menopause, I can’t remember them, but I know they were there because I’m exhausted just thinking of all the things I have to get done.
These are several of my favorite passages from humorist Anne Bardsley’s new book How I Earned My Wrinkles: Musings on Marriage, Motherhood, and Menopause.
The book is a collection of stories taken directly from Anne’s handwritten notes—memories that she penned on the back of menus, napkins, and receipts during decades of raising kids, working, and being a wife. From the moment I opened the book, I laughed—hard. Even the dog grimaced and tried to cover her ears.
Anne has a magical way of immediately pulling you in and taking you along on a journey filled with love, laughter, and vaginal weight sets (oh yes!). She first introduces us to Anz World, an imaginary utopia and her place of refuge. When all is not well in the world, it’s to here she escapes:
Unlike my messy house full of kids, cats, dogs, hamsters, an iguana, and pet snakes, Anz World is tidy and clean. It looks like HGTV surprised me and decorated my world. My hot flashes disappear, as do my wrinkles and cellulite. My face loses years of stress, and I barely recognize myself. I look like a goddess!
You’ll laugh alongside Anne as she introduces you to her family and shares her most treasured memories: drunken watermelon escapades, receiving funeral flowers on Easter, and getting stuck to a customer’s sofa while very pregnant and on a sales call. You’ll even have an opportunity to take The Hottie Test to find out if you still have it going on!
Although I’m just entering the midlife years, I can already see Anne’s Wrinkle Fairy gracing my forehead with her magic. How I Earned My Wrinkles gave me a peek into all that is yet to come and all that can be as a result of having children and living a life filled with humor.
This is light reading, but should certainly appeal to those who have struggled with the generation gap or are past the first blush of youth. It should also appeal to pet lovers, parents of grown children, and anyone looking for a bit of laughter at the end of the day.