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Tied In A Knot

This essay originally appeared on Jennifer’s blog, mamawolfe.

Tied In A Knot

It’s too early in the school year to be doing this. To be tying a knot, night after night, hoping to strengthen my line. Willing myself to lengthen my line, to make myself a better person. A better teacher. Friend. Wife. Mother.

To push myself to grow, to learn, to excel, to serve.

To not let go. To not listen to them. Knot by knot.

Twenty-four days into the vastness of it all. One hundred fifty-six more to go. Knot after knot after knot. Tears. Smiles. Laughter. Success. Setbacks. I will myself upward.

The rope strengthens as I work through it, as I twist and turn and weave new fibers in. The knots unravel, slowly, and I pull harder and harder, determined they will hold. Determined that I will not be broken. I will not fall. I will not get to the end alone. I will not. let. go.

I will not let you down. I will use all my strength, pull myself up, twist it, squeeze my eyes shut and will myself higher. I will slide, slowly, my skin burning as I go down and then – SNAP!

I hover, suspended mid-air, forced to decide the next direction. I move up, sometimes slowly, sometimes strengthened by the boost of another. Knot after knot, I grip, grasp, groan my way upwards.

I’m almost there.

I can see the end of the rope.

I will hang on.

 

Jennifer Wolfe

Jennifer Wolfe, a mom and middle school teacher, loves nothing more than watching kids be brave, courageous and navigate the world. Jennifer reflects on life’s lessons on her blog, mamawolfe, as well as on Huffington Post, Midlife Blvd., Mamalode, Mamapedia, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Goodreads. Instagram: mamawolfeto2

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