Are You Using a Vibrator the Right Way?

How to Have an Orgasm with a Vibrator

Vibrators were designed to help women have orgasms. Back in Freud’s day the ‘release’ of having an orgasm with a vibrator supposedly made women less hysterical!

Today we know the benefits of orgasms for older women. They release the pleasure-producing hormone oxytocin, increase blood flow to vaginal tissues helping to ward off atrophy. And most rewarding of all, an orgasm gives you a delicious feeling of pleasure. And yet, many women struggle to have an orgasm.

Sex Should Be Pleasure, Not a Chore

For women who have never had an orgasm, or have to work very hard to climax, sex becomes a chore. So, now sex is wrapped up in images of inadequacy, diminished femininity, and frustration. It’s no wonder many women end up pretending to enjoy sex or simple stop having it.

Sex toys, specifically vibrators, can help women experience greater pleasure.

Vibrators are useful for women who don’t have orgasms, as well as for women who want more intense orgasms, or need extra help during sex with a partner.

A vibrator gives you a higher intensity vibration or stimulation than fingers alone. And it can be focused directly on the area where you feel the most pleasure. This may or may not be directly on the clitoris, or the clitoral hood. Vibrators can help couples enhance their sexual practices by providing the extra stimulation needed for a woman to climax.

What will work best for you? The only way to know is through practice.

Tips on how to get an orgasm using a vibrator:

First, a first vibrator could be something relatively inexpensive and simple. Buy new and different vibrators to add to your collection as you discover what you like.

Then practice by yourself. Try out your new vibrator, in combination with your fingers, on the vulva. See what feels good. Focus on the vulva: the labia, around the clitoris—above, on the sides, and gently on the head of the clitoris (it can be very sensitive for some women so start lightly). See what feels good and what you like.

Also use lube. Find out my recommendations for the best lube for menopausal women.

After you get started:

Save the more complicated couples vibrator for later when you’re experienced with vibrators and need more complex sex toys. The couples’ toys, like We-Vibe for example, are a bit awkward and may require several attempts before you and a male partner feel comfortable using them during intercourse.

These sex toys are designed to be inserted in the vagina, resting snugly against the upper wall of the vagina with room for a man to insert his penis. The other part of this u-shaped toy fits lies on the outside, against the clitoris.

If your partner is comfortable with the idea of using a sex toy during sex you can show them how and where you like it placed. Show them how you use it or guide their hand. First let them get used to how you move and respond to a vibrator, then they can take over the stimulating.

Certain sexual positions allow you to use a vibrator at the same time as a partner is pleasuring, or penetrating you. Experiment with positions. You want to be able to insert the vibrator between your two bodies or make it easy for one of you to use a spare hand to position the vibrator on your clitoris.

Next, a partner can use fingers or tongue to stimulate you, and then add a vibrator for an extra emphasis on or around the clitoris.

Finally, allow yourself to simply enjoy the sensations initially. Don’t worry about having an orgasm, just enjoy how good it feels.

So, how can you achieve the best orgasm?

Vibrators offer additional stimulation but it’s more important to communicate with your partner, keep your mind focused on your pleasure, and enjoy the sensations.

Too often we focus on “will I come?” That mindset can create extra tension and a nagging sense of having to accomplish something. Because of these thoughts, your mind won’t let your body enjoy the moment.

Find pleasure in the connection, allow your body to relax into the sensations and the intimacy you feel with this partner. An orgasm with a vibrator provides the extra kick of physical stimulation, you (and maybe a partner) get to supply the rest.

This article on how to have an orgasm with a vibrator is the third part of a three-part vibrator series. Read the previous articles about how to use a vibrator or why you need a vibrator.