A couple of weeks ago I was at an event with a dear friend of mine who, at twenty-eight, could be my daughter. And I would not have been a teen mother. Somehow, as is common por moi, the conversation drifted to the topic of married sex.
It might have been the Acai berry sangria I was drinking, or the full moon, but before I realized it, I’d confessed the amount of times my husband and I have sex a month.
Give or take one or two.
I’m not entirely sure how I was expecting her to react. Perhaps I thought she’d nod her head in fellow married-lady-understanding because I figured, although she and her husband are much younger than me and mine, that we’d be somewhere in the same ballpark.
Instead her mouth fell open and she said, “Oh no! That’s not nearly enough sex for someone like you!” (Apparently I have a libidinous reputation?)
So then naturally I couldn’t help but ask, “Well, how often do you and your husband have sex?” Thinking it was probably in some over-achieving realm of three or four times a week.
“Every day,” she said without batting an eyelash.
Holy shit. How was this possible?
Yes my friend and her husband are both gorgeous and sexually desirable to even the ordinary houseplant. But every day? With two kids under the age of eight? With two full-time jobs? With Los Angeles traffic?
To say I felt inadequate would be an understatement. I had to drive my lazy 49-year old ass home and wake my 54-year old husband up in order to ravish him like I was competing in the Indy 500 and had just been tuned up by the pit crew.
Suddenly sex had become a numbers game to me. And my numbers were sorely lacking.
Do I dare write down in black and white our numbers? Because what if everyone is having more sex than us? Does that mean something is wrong with our marriage? Even if we are both satisfied?
Alright. I think I just have to suck it up. I would say my husband and I make love once a week, with a one-extra-time wild card that could drop at any point in the month.
We cuddle every night. In fact, I can’t go to sleep without my arms around him. But once a week plus the wild card seems to be enough for both of us (or, at least, my husband hasn’t complained too much).
Does anyone besides me compare their married or committed sex life to other couple’s sex lives? Do you ever think maybe your sex life isn’t measuring up?
Would any of you, who are satisfied with your marital sex life, be willing to divulge your number so we can see the average of the sexual spectrum? The gauntlet has been thrown.