A New Set of Rules

As much as she loves her mother’s advice, Mona Andrei has decided she’s writing her own rules from now on. This post first appeared on Mona Andrei’s personal blog, Moxie-Dude.

If you’re reading this during working hours, it’s okay. I’ve thought of an excuse a good reason for you. It’s called research. We’re researching the impact of creeds and their effects on our daily lives. And since WORK plays a big part on our daily lives, this is important. I’m even thinking of applying for funds from a government agency and classifying this under R&D.

(If this is your first time here, I’m sorry. I have no excuse for you at this time.)

Enough with the formalities. And excuses. On to the post.

So lately I’ve been thinking. And if you’re my mom, I can hear your eyeballs rolling from here. It may be subconsciously but you ALWAYS roll your eyeballs when I’ve been thinking. So … (with all due respect) be quiet with your eyeballrollingness. It’s distracting. And a little embarrassing.

For the rest of us, let’s continue, shall we?

I don’t remember HOW I started thinking about this but for some reason I was driving home from work today and thinking about the ridiculous things our parents told us when we were younger. (Mom, if you’re still reading, you may have been drinking at the time. Which is perfectly excusable.)

Things like …

“Put that stick down before you poke out your eyes!”

“No, you cannot go swimming. You just ate. You’ll drown.”

“Don’t go out with wet hair. You’ll catch a cold.”

“Put your shoes on! How many times do I have to tell you that you’ll step on glass in your bare feet.”

“Get. To. Sleep! If you don’t fall asleep before 7 o’clock a serial killer will steal you.”

Ok so maybe that last one is true. Or possibly just stuck in my head from some movie I watched during my teenage years. Regardless, these are the “teachings” that I have been living by. These are my CREED.

Yet I have never poked my eyes out with a stick OR drowned after eating (obviously) OR caught a cold from going out with wet hair (which I do ALL THE TIME; especially notable since I live where hell has frozen over. Apparently.) OR stepped on glass from walking barefoot. Which mostly occurs in my backyard. Dog poop? Maybe. But glass? Never. And as far as serial killers go, they STILL live in my closet and I have dogs so these truths cancel each other out.

My point? I am now 50. I’m thinking (mom, stop it!) it’s time to hammer a few nails somewhere in the back of my mind and hang these (stupid) creeds up and make room for a few new ones. Out with the old and in with the new. Isn’t that the trend these days?

So here we are, my new creeds:

Always keep a good supply of wine in your house. You never know when the zombie apocalypse will strike.

That’s it for now. I’m still working on the rest.

Don’t judge me. Changing a 50-year-old mind IS HARD WORK.