Skip to Content

Back to Basics: Sex as an Expression of Love

I’m not sure what moon my cycle is in, or which lunar orbit is pivoting across the satellite of my luminescent chakras and third eye, but I’m feeling sentimental about my man.

Henry turns 54 in August. Can this be true? I met him for the first time when I was 30 and he was 35. He was deliciously intelligent, and Quaker-proper. I instantly wanted to scandalize him, and think I still succeed in doing so almost nineteen years later.

He maintains a boyish profile, bearing a striking resemblance to that rugged, uber-masculine, swarthy, action hero man’s man, Tin Tin.


Yet I know the clock ticks shorter for the two of us.

My natural morbidity, coupled with a four-day business trip to Colorado in which I had a brief encounter with a tornado on the tarmac of the Denver International Airport whilst seated in a miniature American Eagle 50-passenger Bombardier CRJ700 facing certain death, ramped up my passions when I finally arrived home.

There I found my husband, just back from one child’s 4th grade Open House and the other’s Little League softball game, tidying up for my arrival. He welcomed me with a great deal of affection, but mostly with the gratitude of a man relieved to see his pinch-hitter ready to step up to the bat.

That night, after the girls were off to bed and sleeping soundly, I soaked in a hot tub. As I decompressed, unexpected tears welled in my eyes. Somehow I’d fallen to wondering how many years Henry and I had left together. Ten? (if we were unlucky) Twenty? (still not enough) Thirty? (if our luck held) Forty? (if we’re the first zombies in the Apocalypse)

I was struck by the fleeting nature of life and our ephemeral love.

I came to bed humble and eager to embrace the man whose presence I take for granted day in and day out. Our lovemaking that night was different. It wasn’t really sex at all. It was communion and connection. A loving pause in the rapid, surging, time-lapse photography of our lives.

I was reminded of one of my favorite passages from Roland Barthes’ A Lover’s Discourse, quoting French Philosopher, Denis Diderot: “Bring your lips to mine/so that out of my mouth/my soul may pass into yours.”

My darling, I breathe you in, I taste and touch you. I love you now, in our bodies at the midpoint, hurtling forward into the unknown. And, if I can have it my way, I’ll love you through to the other side. xo S

midlife boulevard, columnist, midlife women, middle-age, midlife crisis

Shannon Bradley-Colleary

Shannon Bradley-Colleary blogs at The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful. She's also a contributing blogger on The Huffington Post. Her posts have landed her on The Today Show, NPR, CNN, Raising America with Kyra Phillips, Fox11News and more. She's been published in The DailyMail Online, Babble, Blogher and MomsLA. Her book, Into The Child: 40 Weeks in the Gestational Wilderness was named one of the Top 100 Indie Books of 2012 by the Kirkus Review. Her book, Smash, Crash and Burn: Tales From The Edge Of Celebrity, details her life as an L.A. Wacktress (waiter/actress) in the early 90s; including her relationship with Brandon Bruce Lee and a her tête-à-tête with David Schwimmer. She kisses and tells. Shannon is thrilled to be a monthly columnist on Midlife Boulevard.

More Posts - Website

Follow Me:
TwitterFacebookLinkedInPinterestGoogle PlusYouTube


Thursday 5th of June 2014

Love this! I always worry about how many years my hubby and I have left together. When we got married everything just stretched out so far, now I'm always worrying about something happening to him. He'll take any excuse for sex though :)!

Shannon Bradley-Colleary

Thursday 5th of June 2014

Hi Lana -- I've already made my husband promise to outlive me, although I hope this doesn't mean he'll eventually take a hit out on me? Hm.

Suzanne Fluhr

Thursday 5th of June 2014

It's our 32nd wedding anniversary tomorrow and we've had some recent reminders about how fragile life can be. I know exactly what you're describing. Carpe diem.

Shannon Bradley-Colleary

Thursday 5th of June 2014

I awoke this morning with the breath of fire. (I mean that in a Carpe Diem kind of way).

Brooke Sarro

Wednesday 4th of June 2014

Awww that was absolutely beautiful!! You two are lucky to have each other!

Shannon Bradley-Colleary

Wednesday 4th of June 2014

Thanks Brooke. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I wanna smack him, but that can be its own kind of fun. Hmmm

Comments are closed.
Read previous post:
Giveaway: 6 Books for Your Summer Reading List

We love books on Midlife Boulevard. We love to read them, talk about them, and now, give them away. Here...