On my long journey to the altar, I seem to have picked up some accidental wisdom along the way. Call it unintended self-illumination or inadvertent self-enlightenment, this path to marriage has taught me a lot about life. Now, I realize that marriage isn’t the end-all, be-all pinnacle of success, but for me it’s a bit of an accidental achievement, especially after so many years of being on my own.
While on this quest, I’ve learned a thing or two – about life, love, relationships, and surviving it all. Most of all, I’ve learned about myself.
Over the years I’ve made incredible progress, but I’ve also made mistakes and a few bad choices. I’ve gained clarity, but I’ve also wasted time. I’ve trusted, but I’ve also gotten burned. I often didn’t know my worth, and I didn’t always honor my highest good.
But I’ve learned. I’m still a work in progress, but now I’ve got some insight to further me along. With 50 years of single life under my belt, I feel uniquely qualified to share those insights with you. Some might sound familiar, some might feel old, but no matter how you spin it, they work.
1. Have Aspirations, Not Expectations
Nothing will set you up for disappointment and failure faster than having expectations, not meeting them, or having others not meet them. You can aspire to achieving things, you can hope for the best in people, but make sure you keep your expectations in check.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries with people is the ultimate act of self-respect and self-preservation. By designating personal limits and healthy parameters with others, you’ll not only save yourself a lot of time and energy, you’ll save your sanity and protect your soul.
3. Heal Your Wounds
Whether emotional, mental, or spiritual, fix what’s damaged and heal what’s broken. Go deep. Do the work. Don’t be afraid to face the hard truths about yourself. Find your inspiration anywhere you can get it – books, therapy, meditation, etc. Whatever works, practice it everyday.
4. Don’t Pick The Scab
Once your wound has formed a scab, don’t pick at it. It doesn’t matter if it’s a broken heart, a bruised ego, or a wounded psyche – let the thing heal. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way. Don’t self-sabotage. Picking the scab only undermines your progress, prolongs the pain, and impedes your ability to move forward.
5. Stay On The Path Of Right Action
Staying on the path of right action means making good choices, using your good judgment and honoring your highest good. In other words, it means not being stupid. Don’t do things you know are ill-advised and potentially damaging to your confidence and self-esteem. Everyone makes mistakes, just make sure you get right back on track.
6. Have An Attitude Of Gratitude
You’ve heard this a million times, but it’s true: being grateful and counting your blessings will take the edge off any resentment, regret, and bitterness you may be harboring. Be thankful for every little thing you have, and any little kindness you get in the world.
7. Breathe Deep And Let Go Of Things
Like I said in my very first blog post, when you let go, when you release and surrender, magical things can happen. Stop worrying, waiting, and wondering and you might actually get what you want. Take a breath and let life happen.
I’m not sure if I chose this path, or this path chose me, but here I am, after a lot of hard work, about to proudly take the next step in life. I not only have a magnificent fiancé and beautiful diamond ring to show for it, I also have some wisdom – which is just as precious.
Monday 30th of December 2013
Hi Mona, so glad you liked the piece. I wrote it not so much as a "how to" on finding love at 50, but more as a "how to" with any relationship - be it with friends, parents, business partners, or most importantly, with yourself.
I'm not sure it helped me find Robby, but it sure helped me find PEACE.
Here's to hope, hugs, and love in 2014!
Monday 30th of December 2013
As a fellow almost 50-year-old-never-been-married, I agree with all your points. And thanks for posting this. It means there's hope for me yet. Hugs :-)