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Let’s Talk About Faking the “Big O”

We’ve all faked it at least once, right? I think faking orgasms does both you and your partner a huge disservice. When we find ourselves needing to fake pleasure it’s a sign that things aren’t going well in the bedroom. This article I published last year on Walker Thornton is relevant to our sex lives today.

Do You Fake Orgasms?

A recent article in the Psychology of Human Sexuality features this infographic on faking orgasms–who does it and why. I have faked it, mostly to reassure a guy who had too much ego invested in making me come. And, once, just to get the damned thing over and done with!

I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, fake it with a regular partner for two reasons. He would be in tune with my body and would be able to tell, as the moans can’t make up for the absence of vaginal contractions or other physical signs of a woman’s arousal.

Second, if it’s not happening it just isn’t. I honor both of us by admitting that. It’s permissible to say, ‘my head’s just not in the right place right now’ or any other reason. If he can’t handle it, that’s his problem. Actually, it’s both our problems and indicates a need for better communication in our relationship.

What we all need to appreciate is that pleasure comes in various forms. Every sexual experience does not have to end in an orgasm, or climax. For either partner.

Sometimes it is enough to simply give and receive pleasure–without striving for a goal.

faking orgasm, orgasm, sexuality

 A big thank you to Dr. Lehmiller of The Psychology of Human Sexuality for sharing the image with me!, midlife, columnist, blogger

Walker Thornton

We are delighted to have Walker Thornton as our Women’s Sexual Health columnist. After working for over 10 years in the field of sexual violence against women, Walker is now enjoying a new career as a freelance writer, public speaker, and sex educator with an emphasis on midlife women. Her blog, was ranked #5 by in their top 100 Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2014. You can connect with her on Facebook and Twitter For questions about sexual health, write her at

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Joan Stommen

Monday 23rd of March 2015

OMG....these statistics are so sad. Pretty important piece and good information you have here. Guess its needed, huh. I've been pretty lucky all my life....the times when it's not there just say so! Lots else to enjoy. Great encouragement, reading your work!

Walker Thornton

Monday 23rd of March 2015

Thank you Joan. I continue to advocate for communication between partners--we need to share our issues, and ask for what we want.

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