Let’s Talk About My Insomnia

Barb Best is an award winning humorist who can be found on her website of the same name. This post was originally featured there. You can also find her on Twitter at @HaBarb.

Damn, I’m tired!  Are you tired, too?

Are you getting enough sleep? What keeps you up at night?

I’d like to share with you 25 good reasons I can’t sleep:

1) Dog needs to pee.

2) I need to pee… again.

3) The cat suffers from restless leg syndrome and is kicking me in the face.

4) Celebrity baby names. If Apple marries Diva Muffin, she’ll be Apple Muffin?

5) For breakfast I got a hot date with a cold can of fudge frosting.

6) Donald Trump.

7) Facebook. That f#!king Facebook. A source of evil in this world.

8) I’m creating lists like this.

9) Too much blood to the brain. Synapses dinging like a pinball machine on steroids.

10) My private parts are feeling unappreciated.

11) I realize I have no idea where the “OFF” switch is on my iPhone.

12) Some perv said something vile about me on Twitter, then unfollowed me. That f#!king Twitter. A source of evil in this world.

13) I can’t remember the name of my dentist. Time to google “dementia” again.

14) I don’t have a Meteor Crash emergency survival kit yet.

15) All those unread emails.

16) It’s hot in here.

17) It’s freezing in here.

18) What is with Yolanda Foster on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on Bravo TV?

19) Acid reflux ain’t just a default diagnosis. Throat on fire!

20) Death by taxes.

21) Inner child wants to be read a bedtime story.

22) My digital leash is choking me. Help! See #7 and #12.

23) Not enough oxygen to my butt. Going numb.

24) Pope joke wasn’t funny. Social media trolls on the rampage.

25) Sweating – and hot flashing – the little stuff.

Share in the comments the entertaining and not-so-entertaining things that keep you awake at night!