Don’t Think At Night

Mona Andrei’s approach to tale-telling is hilarious and enjoyable. Have a look at why she can’t fall asleep and you’ll find a friend immediately. This post first appeared on her personal blog, Moxie-Dude.

Well here I am, stuck in the middle of the night with no one to talk to except the voices in my head.

They say that insomnia does not discriminate; that it can affect everyone and anything. I disagree. My dogs are sleeping right now. Even the crickets are sleeping right now.

Cricket.

Well except that one.

Not me though. Nope. I’m thinking. AND THINKING.

Here’s how it works with middle-of-the-night thoughts:

You THINK they’re important. You even give them VIP seating as they randomly crawl out of the darkest corners of your mind like a parade of tiny ants dressed in tuxedos.

Thoughts like …

It’s almost 3 a.m.

WHY CAN’T I SLEEP???

Oh wait! I shouldn’t be asking questions. Questions only lead to more questions.

Breathe.

Think of something positive.

Positive thought … positive thought …

Oh I know! I’m so lucky to be safe in my bed.

Yup. I wouldn’t want to be outside right now.

3 a.m. is serial killer time.

Like “Miller time” but for psychos.

Crap. Did I forget to lock my car doors???

My car … It must be due for an oil change soon.

I better make a note to take care of that before I forget …

No! If I make a note on my phone I’ll end up checking email and texts and Facebook.

I wonder if it’s true that screens affect our sleep patterns.

Maybe it’s my screen’s fault that I can’t sleep.

But I need screens.

How would I make a living without screens?

I wonder if writers slept better when all they had was pen and paper.

Or maybe it’s an age thing.

I should ask the teens if they have trouble sleeping.

I’ll send them a text.

No.

If they’re sleeping I’ll wake them up.

And if they’re awake I’ll wonder WHY they’re awake.

Oh, insomnia.

Go A-WAY.

They say that a gazillion people suffer from insomnia.

Geesh. A gazillion people.

That’s a sobering statistic.

That’s like EVERYBODY.

So why am I fighting insomnia by myself when everyone else is awake, too?

Sobering statistic. PFFF.

THAT’S THE PROBLEM.

Our understanding of insomnia is driven by SOBERING STATISTICS.

Clearly what this sleep-deprived world needs is more wine.

Oh and speaking of wine, I need to add that to my grocery list.

I’ll forget. I should make a note.

No! No note. No screens. It’s what’s keeping me up.

Sigh …

Hey!

I think …I’m … getting … sleepy …

Oh no.