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The Importance of Mystery Dates

Mystery DatesHave you ever considered stoking the marriage flames with mystery dates? Mystery dates add intrigue and excitement to your marriage. Read on to find out more.

My husband Eric marked our shared calendar “Mystery Date.” I notice it and start to wonder. Where are we going? I won’t know until we get there, although he will give me some instructions, usually about whether dress is casual or fancy, I’ll need special shoes, things like that. I usually get a card the day before with any instructions I might need.

Several times each year, we plan mystery dates for each other. It might be as simple as dinner at a restaurant we love, or tickets to a concert to see a favorite band. A Red Sox game, a day trip to Plum Island. It can be day or night. The important thing is that it is a mystery.

Sometimes we plan them around special occasions: birthdays, anniversaries, and the like, but usually it is just a random date. Maybe I notice a show in Boston I know he would like to see. Bird migration weekend on Monhegan Island. A stay at a romantic bed and breakfast with dinner at a great restaurant, and maybe some hiking the following day or visiting a museum.

We love mystery trips and dates. Occasionally, we will take our kids (who are young adults now) with us. Mostly, these events are a way to add fun and excitement to our relationship of almost three decades. It is one of the reasons why our marriage keeps getting better over time.

Planning the trips is part of the fun. Making arrangements, charging expenses, but taking care so we don’t give anything away. Sometimes he has to tell me not to look at the VISA bill.

One anniversary, Eric planned what turned out to be a magical weekend in Boston. Everything from the minute we left the house was perfect.  I wasn’t blindfolded, so I guessed the destination at some point, but still didn’t know the details until we got to each location. He knew what I would love, planned all the details, and I didn’t have to make any of the arrangements. Isn’t that fantastic?

Another time, I planned an overnight at a romantic inn near Brattleboro, Vermont. The whole time, he had no idea where we were going. With each turn I made, his most recent guess was out the window.

It really is so much fun, regardless of whether you are the planner or the recipient. Couples with no kids at home can plan entire vacations this way. Instructions: pack clothing for very warm weather, a bathing suit, snorkel gear. Or you can make it even more mysterious by packing for your spouse so he doesn’t have a clue.

So spice it up! Plan your first mystery date now and see what it does for your marriage.

Shari Broder is a certified life coach, mediator, arbitrator and attorney. She is the founder of Conscious Groove Life Coaching, LLC, in Freeport, Maine. To learn more, go to Conscious Groove Life Coaching or email her at

Shari Broder

Shari Broder is a certified life & weight coach, mediator, arbitrator and attorney. She is the founder of Shari Broder, LLC, in Freeport, Maine (formerly Conscious Groove Life Coaching LLC). She works with women and foodies who have tried just about every diet there is and are afraid they'll never permanently lose weight. Shari teaches them how to enjoy the foods they love while ending their patterns of overeating and emotional eating so they can lose their excess weight for good. For more information, email her at or go to

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Paula Collier

Wednesday 16th of March 2016

Tim & I have been doing this particularly for birthdays since 1993 !! It is great fun. Glad to know that you & Eric do this too.

Shari Brode

Wednesday 16th of March 2016

Paula, We actually got the idea from you and Tim! I should have given you credit!

Brad Watkins

Wednesday 16th of March 2016

This is terrific advice. I think too few of us understand these simple, small efforts stoke the flames in great big ways. It is great to have a partner who is up for sharing the adventure.

Sometimes these Mystery Date rules help out in the bedroom, too. :-)

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