High Maintenance or Self Care?

Is taking care of ourselves considered high maintenance? Or does self care mean we honor ourselves?

Personally, I believe that caring for self is a way to honor oneself.

Recently, on Facebook there was a listing of activities with points assigned with the headline:

Are You High Maintenance?

Some of the activities listed:

Shower every day – 3 points
30+ minute shower – 5 points
Shave every day – 5 points
Do hair every day – 3 points
20+ minutes to do hair – 5 points
Makeup every day – 3 points
15+ minutes to do makeup – 5 points
Lipstick every day – 7 points
Nails always done – 5 points
Nails professionally done – 7 points

You get the point.

I have so many questions about this survey.

1. Why the title Are You High Maintenance? Caring for oneself is not high maintenance in my book; caring for myself is a way to honor myself as a woman.

2. The term high maintenance has a negative connotation. Why do women look at caring for themselves in this somewhat negative light? Showering every day, doing our hair every day, putting on makeup every day are both, self care, and hygienic.

3. Who came up with the point system and why?

4. Instead of making women feel badly that they do the above mentioned items on a daily basis why don’t we celebrate it? Think of the fact that as women we are caring for ourselves because we honor who we are, want to put forth an image of ourselves that is positive.

I used to chuckle when my step-mom (in her 60’s and older) would get dressed up to go the grocery store. Now that I am in my late 50’s I get it. There is something about being out in public looking the best I can be. My step-mom showed me by example that no matter what is going on in one’s life, caring for self is of utmost importance. There is a shift in mindset when I am showered, hair is maintained, nails are done and I’m dressed in clean clothes that make me feel good.

As far as the survey goes, I don’t cotton to the idea of surveys that inherently may make women feel badly that they are honoring themselves by caring for themselves.

I am often amazed on the types of surveys I see on Facebook or in magazines. I’m never quite sure what the creator of the survey intended; to make women feel good about themselves or question what they are doing? I am also not sure why women would take the surveys at all.

Ultimately, we all need to be doing what makes us feel good about ourselves without worrying about others may think. Midlife is perhaps the best time to finally understand we can stand in our own power and not live according to someone else’s idea of how we should live our lives.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
― Lao Tzu

Miriam Iwrey is a social worker with 20+ years of experience. You can find out more about her at New Achievements Elite Coaching.