In last week’s post I told you about the benefits of living single. Flying solo through life can be a grand adventure and its rewards are many. But, if I’m being honest, as happy as my life as a singleton is, there are a handful of really wonderful things I still miss about being married.
But before I do, I’d like to give a shout out to all the couples who have managed to forge a lasting bond over decades of ups and downs, who have created an unbreakable connection with the person who knows you best and who loves you both because of and in spite of who you are. A good marriage is an enviable thing, something worth working for, worth fighting for, even when it feels like it’s just too hard. A good marriage is never easy, but is always worth striving to maintain.
Here’s to you, married people – to your faith in an unknowable future, to your commitment to a work in progress, and to your delight in the triumph of happily ever after.
With that, I give you…
The Five Things I Miss Most About Being Married
- To have and to hold – It turns out those marriage vows I took so many years ago were pretty much spot on. They capture much of what is good about being married, starting with “to have and to hold.” I miss having a person. You know, that one person who is your emergency contact, your wing-man, your back-haver. And I miss the holding part, especially at the end of a long, difficult day. The holding part is really nice.
- For better, for worse – I miss having a person who truly appreciates everything it took for me to discover my best self. And I really miss having a person who, when I’m at my absolute worst, trusts that this is a fleeting aberration and I will return to the really amazing version of me that was temporarily side-tracked. For reasons best left unsaid.
- For richer, for poorer – I don’t mind admitting that I miss sharing the wealth in whatever form it takes – money, experiences, family time. On the flip side, sharing the burden of wealth’s absence is a lot better than being poor on your own.
- In sickness and in health – This one’s a no brainer, being sick and single can be a miserable experience. But maybe even more regrettable is missing out on sharing good health with your special person, especially at mid-life and beyond. Good health is such a gift, having someone you love along to celebrate a strong, fit body, whether it’s on a run, on the tennis court, or in bed, is something to aspire to.
- And behind the wheel – This one may sound trivial, but trust me, it’s huge on my list. I’m not a bad driver, but I don’t always love driving. I have a crap sense of direction and lousy night vision. And because I’m the size of a reasonably developed 12-year-old, any more than one glass of wine puts me at risk for a DUI. I miss having a partner who is a skilled, confident, and enthusiastic driver with an unerring sense of direction. Is that too much to ask?
Candace Karu writes over at her website of the same name. Another version of this article was originally published there.