7 Things I’m Too Old For at Midlife

When I was a kid, maybe a teenager, I remember hearing my mother say she was too old for a certain type of clothing.  If my memory serves correctly it was a sleeveless top I suggested that she wear in the heat of the summer and she said she was too old for sleeveless tops.  I remember thinking, in my infinite wisdom of youth, complete lack of understanding, that if I was hot I was damn well going to wear a sleeveless top so I could cool off and not sweat myself to death!

As life has a way of doing, I now completely understand where my mother was coming from.  Not only do I frequently find myself too old to wear certain types of shirts (tank tops–not happening!) but a whole list of things I used to enjoy.  Several of them are clothing, but not all.

Are these clothes you are too old to wear?

High Heeled Shoes:  Once upon a time I wore high heels defiantly.  I am very tall (5’11″) and people would often comment that I didn’t need to wear heels.  So I wore them anyway!  Now, I find that I am far too old to wear shoes that pinch my toes and make my feet ache the next day.  Give me a good ole pair of ballet flats or better yet tennis shoes and I’m good-to-go!

Hangovers:  It’s a rite of passage, over indulging in the cocktails at night and then laying in bed the next day nursing an aching head.  Who has time for that at this age?  I don’t want to feel like crap tomorrow!  Besides, who am I kidding, after one drink all I want is to go to bed and get a good night’s sleep anyway!

Short Shorts:  These are not the thighs of a young woman.  These are the thighs of a middle-aged-woman who, frankly, enjoys an evening bowl of ice cream more than an afternoon at the gym.  No one, including me, wants to see these legs in short-shorts.

Drama, Bullsh*t, and Nonsense:  I don’t have the time, or the energy to listen to someone prattle on about the latest drama in their life, often that they created themselves.  I have more sympathy than the average person, I will ache for someone who is suffering and I will cry for someone who is in pain, but I absolutely will not listen to you or anyone else talk about how everyone hates you, how the world is against you, or how things just never turn out the way you want them to.  If you post it to Facebook, I will remove you from my friends list.  If you text me, I will block your number.  If you call me on the phone, I will send your call to voicemail.

Loud Music:  The absolute only time I have the radio above a level I can talk over is when I am in the car by myself.  Usually after my kids or husband has pissed me off, but we won’t talk about that.  There’s something about the music being loud that sets my nerves on edge!  I am the same person who used to squeal with delight over floor seats to Motley Crue and AC/DC!

Any Item of Clothing that Is Uncomfortable:  I have a closet full of clothes that are in style, that fit perfectly and yet are not comfortable and guess what?  I never wear them.  More often than not I reach for the jeans that have a little more stretch, or the t-shirt that might actually come from my husband’s side of the closet.  (shhh! don’t tell!)

Nightclub Hopping:  As I mentioned before, I don’t enjoy high heels, or loud music, but you know what else I don’t enjoy? Staying up past my bedtime, smoke filled bars, or public toilets.  There was a time when a night spent partying it up at the local dance club with my best friends equaled heaven on earth!  Flirting, cocktails, loud music, and shaking my groove thing were just what I was looking for.  Now, if I’m not already doing something entertaining my 9 pm, I’m probably wearing my pajamas, and I’ve ditched the bra.  Universal woman code for: sorry, I can’t go anywhere tonight.

What are you too old for?

Read more from Angela Keck on her blog, Writer Mom Blog