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27 Love Songs for Midlife

This post is co-written by Janet Golden and first appeared on

When the two of you are driving to the chiropractor, to the pharmacy, or to attend your grandson’s kindergarten play to enjoy his fleeting appearance as Snow Flake Number Seven, the songs you first fell in love to might still be on the radio, but no longer seem relevant.



Here, instead, are a few Love Songs For Long-Married Couples:

  1. Every Little Thing She Does Is Menopausal
  2. I Got You and Erectile Dysfunction, Babe
  3. My Heart Will Go On, Now That I’ve Got This Pacemaker
  4. Baby I Love Your Hot Flashes
  5. Total Eclipse of The Hip
  6. I Will Always Love You, Even When You Steal The Blankets
  7. Maybe I’m Amazed That I Still Remember Your Name
  8. Time after Time You Remove Your Dentures
  9. Killing Me Softly With His Snoring
  10. All You Need is Bran
  11. When A Man Loves A Woman (He Invests Wisely In a 401(k))
  12. Love Me Tender I’ve Got Brittle Bones
  13. It’s Only Love (That Keeps Me From Throwing Out That Old Barcalounger)
  14. I Want You To Want Me To Buy A New Prius.
  15. Wonderful Tonight. And Tomorrow Night. (See? Leftovers Aren’t That Bad.)
  16. First Time Ever I Saw Your Face Was in 1968
  17. How Deep Is your Love Because I Can’t Reach that Top Shelf
  18. Love To Love You Baby But Not After 9:30
  19. Heartbreak Hotel Has Better Rates With  A Senior Discount
  20. You Are The Sunshine of My Life and I’m Using SPF 30.
  21. You’re The one That I Want To Go Down And Make The Coffee
  22. Love Will Keep us Together Because It Sure Isn’t Your Cooking
  23. I Will Survive Your Cooking
  24. Fly Me To The Moon So I Can Avoid Your Cooking
  25. Feels So Right To Get Chinese Take OutThree Times A Lady Called About That Insurance Policy
  26. Let’s Get It On Before The Early Bird Special Ends

Roz Warren

Roz Warren writes for the New York Times, the Funny Times, the Christian Science Monitor, the Jewish Forward and the Huffington Post. And she‘s been featured on the Today Show. (Twice!) Her 13th humor book, ”Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection Of Library Humor," is available on Amazon.

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Carol Cassara

Saturday 26th of July 2014

Utter perfection in naming.

Doreen Pendgracs

Saturday 26th of July 2014

Cute list! Ain't it the truth about how we view life as moved along on our journey. Don't you find that everyone you talk to these daysis more concerned about their health than practically anything else?

Donna Tagliaferri

Saturday 26th of July 2014

too funny....needed a laugh for this long hard work day

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