This post first appeared on Mona Andrei’s personal blog, Moxie-Dude.com
I was speaking with my friend, Sophie, the other day and she said something I have to classify as “interesting”. And by interesting I mean that I don’t agree:
“You’re so lucky to be dating. I miss those days.”
PS. I cannot tell a lie. Sophie’s name isn’t really Sophie. But she IS my friend and she really did say that and according to Shakespeare calling her by any other name doesn’t change who she is or what she said or the way she smells.
PPS. In case it isn’t obvious, Sophie is married.
Her comment opened an entire village of worm-thoughts on dating. . .
Me: Are you kidding? Dating sucks!
Sophie: What are you talking about? Dating is FUN. It’s the discovery stage. It’s when everything is new and interesting.
Me: How long have you been married again?
Sophie: 18 years.
Me: And you’re telling me that there’s nothing new and interesting anymore? You’re telling me that you don’t love the fact that you’re comfortable with each other? That you ENJOY stressing over stupid things like whether or not there’s food in your teeth? Or whether you should call him or text him or like his Facebook posts???
Sophie: You’re having a panic attack.
Me: You KNOW I’m right. It’s a universal law. Dating sucks.
Sophie: I don’t want to talk about this anymore.
All that to say that clearly I’m right and Sophie is wrong. Also, I have a question for y’all.
But first, here’s the scenario:
I’m on a date and while on said date, the hamster goes into prolific thinking mode:
OMG this is awkward!
I hate whoever invented dating.
Whoever invented dating hates me.
Who was it, anyway?
Oh I know.
It was probably my grade seven math teacher.
She hated me.
Did he just ask me a question???
I’m not talking enough. I better say something before he thinks I’m not interested.
Wait a minute.
Am I interested?
I’m not that interested.
But maybe I’m just fooling myself into thinking that I’m not interested because this is making me awkward.
Maybe I AM interested.
Maybe he’s ‘THE ONE’ and I’m ruining it because I’m awkward.
Oh no he’s not talking anymore.
Now he’s not interested.
I’m starting to get interested.
I’m ruining this.
Now what do I do?
Why does he keep looking at me like that?
Is there food on my face?
Maybe I need more wine.
I wish I was a smoker.
Then I’d have a reason to go outside before I start hyperventilating.
Oh I know.
I’ll just go to the washroom.
What if he thinks I’m an awkward sociopath and leaves while I’m gone???
I hate dating.
I should have just stayed in and watched Criminal Minds with a new box of Triscuits.
So here’s the question (broken down into SEVERAL questions):
When does this internal dialogue STOP??? When does “NEW AND INTERESTING” become NOT AWKWARD? At what point does the discovery stage become FUN???
Answers please . . .
Fine. Whatever. I’ll just date myself.