Last night as I was lying in bed like an insomniacal fool (compliments of the hamster), the wheels started turning about the whole aging thing and how when you put it into context, it’s really a thankless process.
Why was I thinking about this instead of sleeping at 2 a.m.? I think it started when I went to turn over in search for a cool spot on my bed (read: tropical moment) and pulled a muscle. You see what I mean? Things like that didn’t happen in my younger, more agile days.
You’re probably younger than me and have no idea what I’m talking about so let me fill you in.
The aging process
It begins with looking around and suddenly noticing that all the hot, eligible men have started calling you “ma’am”.
Sadly, this awakens a village of realizations – yes, an ENTIRE village – mostly to do with the declining efficiencies of the body:
- You notice that you can’t read anything smaller than a billboard.
- Listening to more than one person talking at a time becomes confusing.
- You begin to consciously tilt your head a little upwards to camouflage the appearance of sagging jowls.
- Oh and speaking of SAGGING. Never mind. My dad reads this sometimes. But I will say this: Whatever is in the water these days certainly wasn’t there when I was developing.
- Opening the fridge door becomes a trigger for trying to remember what the hell you wanted in the first place.
- Your bladder morphs from a “holding container” to a sieve.
- And you start dyeing your hair every other day – not to see if blondes really do have more fun but to hide the greys.
So far the only positive thing about aging is that suddenly you can say whatever you want out loud and no one holds it against you because . . . well, you’re old.
So what’s the purpose of aging?
Continue reading this post on Mona Andrei’s blog, Moxie-Dude.
Lynette Benton (@LynetteBenton)
Saturday 11th of January 2014
You wake up every day eager to know what new ailment you'll confront. Will it be sudden dry eyes (excruciating till you get the eye drops in), fallen arches, the inability to grasp a needle to sew a button on, feeling cold at 69 degrees and hot at 71 degrees, your scalp showing through your remaining hair? The list goes on.
Thanks for this humorous look at aging.
Sunday 12th of January 2014
I enjoyed writing it and happy to read that you enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for taking the time to comment :-)