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8 Things You Must Do If You Want A Sleepover At Your Place

If I’m having a sleepover at a friend’s house or staying at a relative’s place, I expect a few basic necessities. It’s got to be worth the $59 savings at Motel 8 or I’ll just crash there and risk bed bugs.

Here are my 8 Things You Must Do If You Want Me to Sleepover At Your Place:

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  1. You must own a real mattress for guests. Not a futon, beanbag chair, lawn chair or sleeping bag.
  2. Your computer needs to be circa 2010. Internet connection must be in working order. You need to guarantee me that you know the password. I expect the printer to have more than one sheet of WHITE paper.
  3. You do not own a cat. Not that I have anything against a cat. I just do not want cat hair on my toothbrush, chapstick or hairbrush.
  4. Your shower must be in proper working order with hot and cold water. The knobs must function as they were intended to work. Left for hot and right for cold. No jimmying the handles necessary to get a STEADY flow of water.
  5. You and your family must not wake up before 6 a.m.
  6. You promise not to ask me more that 57 times “Are you OK?” or “Need anything else?”
  7.  You must have decent coffee in the morning. Don’t offer me crap that’s been stuck in the corner of your pantry for six years. Your coffee maker needs to have a pot larger than two-cups. I want hot coffee and I want lots of it.
  8. You must have a decent pillow, none of that cheap synthetic-filled pillow trash. I want something thicker than a saltine cracker. I will not use a pillow pet, decorative sofa pillow, a donut ring, sofa cushion or boyfriend pillow.

Read more from Stacey Gustafson on her blog, Are You Kidding Me?

Stacey Gustafson

Stacey Gustafson is an author, humor columnist, and blogger who has experienced the horrors of being trapped inside a pair of SPANX. Her blog, Are You Kidding Me? is based on her suburban family and everyday life. Her short stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul and seven books in the Not Your Mother’s Book series. Her work appears in Midlife Boulevard, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, ZestNow,, Pleasanton Patch, Lost in Suburbia, Better After 50 and on her daughter’s bulletin board. She lives in California with her husband and two teenagers that provide an endless supply of inspiration. She writes about parenting and daily frustrations like her dislike of the laundry, self-checkout lanes, public restrooms, Brussels sprouts, roundabouts, and being middle-aged. Her book, Are You Kidding Me? My Life With an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, hit #1 Amazon Best Seller in Humor - Parenting & Families and #1 Amazon Best Seller in Motherhood. Released September 2014, it is available on Amazon and eBooks. Visit Stacey at or follow her on Twitter @RUKiddingStacey.

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Kay Lynn

Sunday 24th of November 2013

We have two cats which leave their hair everywhere! I can't keep them out of the guest room. We also fail because we are SUPER early risers. But I do have great coffee!

Carpool Goddess

Tuesday 19th of November 2013

Bad coffee would be a deal breaker for me. Also, I like snacks. A fully stocked mini-bar would be nice (reasons I stay in hotels and not friend's homes).

Stacey Gustafson

Tuesday 19th of November 2013

The mini-frig is tempting. You're right, better to stay in a motel.


Tuesday 19th of November 2013

Oops, fail at the coffee item. Hope you like the Best Western. Oh, my two cats and black dog are sad not to leave their fur all over you. Ruff Ruff shed shed I will add "air mattress" to your list of beds.

Stacey Gustafson

Tuesday 19th of November 2013

Thanks for the air mattress. Lots better than most mattresses that I have experienced.


Monday 18th of November 2013

This is why I don't have houseguests!


Monday 18th of November 2013

Great post! #5 is the key one for me. I'm a light sleeper, so don't try to tiptoe around and whisper. It only makes me grumpier when I can't understand what you're whispering about. May I add...#9. An ample supply of toilet paper!

Stacey Gustafson

Tuesday 19th of November 2013

I am definitely sleeping in late, it's supposed to be a vacation! And lots of 3 ply toilet paper.

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