Lisa Joiner is the author of Unveiled Wisdom – Wedding Planning for the Midlife Bride.
You’re sporting a beautiful ring, have a great engagement story and are so happy you can’t stop smiling. People are thrilled for you.
And then they start offering their opinions:
• Weddings are so expensive. You’re not going to waste your money on one, are you?
• You’d be better off taking a trip or buying a house than spending money on a wedding.
• You’re going to keep your wedding small and casual right?
• Luckily you’ve already had a big wedding. No need to repeat that.
• You’re not going to wear an ivory dress or a formal gown are you?
• You want your bouquet to be long-stemmed tulips? Won’t that be awkward to carry?
Your heart sinks. Doubt sets in. You begin to curtail your bridal patter. No Fuss Syndrome creeps in and you hear yourself saying or thinking…
1. Yeah, we’re getting married, but it’s no big deal.
2. We’ve both been married before. It feels selfish somehow to have another “formal” wedding.
3. We don’t want to create a fuss.
4. We don’t want our wedding plans to make anyone uncomfortable.
5. We’re going to keep the ceremony really small (as if this will make having a ceremony okay).
6. Our kids/families/friends feel it’s inappropriate to have a formal wedding (or that we’re getting married at all), so we’re keeping it low key.
7. I’m kind of embarrassed being a bride at this age and planning a wedding…after all, weddings are for young couples.
8. People keep asking why we’re having a wedding at our age… so we’ve decided to have a civil ceremony and go away by ourselves.
Each time you entertain one of these thoughts or think of not having the wedding ceremony of your dreams you diminish your bridal joy.
What’s The Remedy?
Put simply: You’re over the top happy. Lead with that.
Instead of asking for advice or seeking acceptance, simply tell people your plans. Show them your enthusiasm and commitment.
Some folks may not jump on-board your plans and others (children or parents included) may actually choose not to attend your ceremony. While that’s unfortunate, it shouldn’t stop you from exchanging your vows in a setting that brings you joy. We can’t control how others feel or their decisions, and while we don’t have to like it, we shouldn’t let it ruin our happiness.
Any mid-life bride will tell you the bridal path comes with challenges. Working through and overcoming the challenges may bring some awkward moments and disappointments. But…Our biggest regrets happen when we don’t honor our truth. AND truth is the best antidote for “No-Fuss Bride Syndrome.”
Mantras for overcoming “No Fuss Syndrome” (repeat as necessary):
Our love deserves to be celebrated.
Our ceremony will be an expression of our story, dreams and love, and we’ll revel in our beautiful day.
We’ll define our wedding and have fun bringing it to life.
• Here’s what you know in your heart; this wedding is about you and your groom honoring your love.
• Here’s the really cool thing; you get to choose how that happens.
• Here’s the absolute truth; this love is as important…if not more important… as any previous love.
• Here’s your mission; make your wedding day happen your way.
Midlife offers the unique awareness of how special your relationship is, all that you’ve gone through to find love again, and how much you cherish each other. Celebrate that. Wholeheartedly.